What's In A Name? by Joshua Roque

I remember collecting basketball cards as a pudgy kid - hoping to get that rare Michael Jordan - or really any substantial superstar for that matter.  Laying on my stomach and sifting through card after card, I remember getting one for New Knicks center Patrick Ewing and thinking "Hey, not bad - this is a good card."  Checking out his stats and turning the card over, I read "Patrick Aloysius Ewing."  I began to chuckle.  "ALOYSIUS?  Geez, his parents must not like him to give him that name!" I thought to myself.  Still laughing inside, I decided to put the cards away and finish my salisbury steak TV dinner.

Truth is: deciding on your child's name is VERY HARD - there is tremendous pressure on us soon-to-be parents to pick out a good name.  Our child will be forever known by the one and only name we bestow upon them - I don't know if I can handle this new (almost God-like) responsibility.  We hold the ultimate privilege of naming him or her anything we want - "From this day forward, you will be known as (insert name here)."  That's crazy to think about.  It will show up on their birth certificate, social security card, name tag, report card, credit card, police report (God, I hope not) and so on and so on.  Part of me wants a good, strong name - something that sounds remarkable and noteworthy as soon as it leaves your mouth.  Something unique but still common - though nothing like some of the names celebrities come up with for their kids.  For every Jack, Lily Rose, and Harlow, there's got to be a Scout, Apple, Jermajesty, and Moroccan.  Who the hell names their daughter Scout?  "Hi, I'd like you to meet my kids Doorknob and Cat Litter."  Just as good, right?

So now we're feeling pretty good because we've come up with a good name and we're ready to tell our family and friends.  I don't know how else to put this but Filipino families are the worst at butchering names.  "Sam" turns into "Sum", "Evelyn" turns into "Eberlin", "Jeff" becomes "Jeprox", etc.  No matter what name we come up with, it's bound to be mispronounced every way imaginable.  And once my cousins get a hold of it - my God - it's over.  For example: "Oh, your kid's name is John...like John Candy, right?  What about John Denver?  Mayer?  Stockton?'

Hopefully, Brooke and I can agree on a name (for either a boy or a girl) once and for all.  If nothing else, we do have a Plan B:

Ocho Cinco Roque.